“This time next year I’ll be laughing about this!”

Last night my sister and I were sitting around reflecting on 2021. As she was retelling a story that happened to her this time last year she remarked about the power of journaling and the value of going back and re-reading what was written.

And sure enough, in the margin of what felt like a hip check to the solar plexus and a curveball that came out of left field, she had the wherewithal to write, “This time next year I’ll be laughing at this!”

When we’re in the heat of the moment we really aren’t laughing and nothing about the situation seems funny, and yet, when we step back and take a look at it from a different perspective we can remind ourselves – this too shall pass.

In the past when I heard those words I wanted to punch the sender of that message in the face and that was usually because I was so far down in the pit of despair and lacking any sense of agency. What I really wanted was a hand to help me out, or a shoulder to cry on, or someone to acknowledge my pain. I was so disconnected from myself. Shame and fear were my masters.

For a long time I told myself some pretty unfair, unkind, and hurtful stories that kept me from seeing that one day, all this pain, grief, and inner work was going to bring me to today.

This time last year, I had been divorced for two years, trying to figure out what to do with myself, and had decided to go back to school to become a life coach. Even when I was in school and learning new and exciting skills, I had so many days when I thought,

“What the hell am I doing? What’s the point? I should just quit! Maybe I will always be a loser – a stay-at-home mom of 5 kids who never did anything with her life. When will I stop feeling ashamed and embarrassed about myself?” Self-doubt and fear were waiting around every corner.

And yet, there was this still small voice that was growing inside of me – “You can do this, you’ve got this, you were made for this, you matter. Lean in and trust the process – you won’t regret it. Let go, I’ve got you.”

And so, I clung onto the deep knowing and wisdom that was rising from within and I did lean in and let go – and I have to tell you – it paid off.

I’m here, a year later, for the first time in my life unabashedly proud of who I am, and I know without a shadow of a doubt that I am exactly where I need to be. I am not afraid to share my story, or be vulnerable in my weaknesses, or show up every single day.

Yes, I will continue to wrestle with self-doubt and fear, and yet, they are no longer my prison wardens.

And this time next year, I will be laughing because what I envision for 2022 will be so different, beautiful, and wonderful then I could ever imagine.

Lean in and trust the process. I know what you’re in right now feels huge, weighty, and permanent. Write yourself a note in your calendar (January 9th, 2023); so that when that day comes you’ll be able to look back and remind yourself you’re no longer there.

Thank you to all those who have journeyed with me, witnessed my life, and delight in who I am. I am eternally grateful.