What if the Antidote to Perfectionism is Curiousity?

Ok, I sit down to write this post and I immediately feel resistance – irritation, frustration, and a drive to procrastinate. And so I resort to doing what I have done 1,000 times – clean.

After cleaning I still feel restless and resistant to writing; so I walk the dog and it is during this exercise that I finally get some clarity – I’m running away because I’m afraid of what “they” will think.

STOP. BREATHE. GET CURIOUS.

What is going on? What is happening inside of me? I decided to sit on the floor and meditate, and when I say meditate, I mean: get quiet.

Within seconds waves of shame and grief bubble up.

“Who am I to write about perfectionism? I can’t even sit down and write this dang post! I’m still wrestling with this need for approval! What will “they” think of me – she’s a fraud, a fake, a hack!”

Guess what – Maria, you are allowed to write about this because you intimately know how it has impacted your life.

When I was 16 I wanted to be a marine biologist. I didn’t pursue it because, what if I’m not smart enough and it’s just a pipe dream?

When I was 19 I had a chance to stay longer in Japan to teach English, but I didn’t because, what if I’m not as good an ESL teacher as they believed?

When I was in my mid-20’s I was accepted into Concordia University’s fine art program, but I didn’t accept the invitation because, what if they made a mistake and I failed?

I had multiple opportunities to shine, to show up, and to grow, but I rejected many of them because failure wasn’t an option. I became my own worst enemy.

Perfectionism should never have been an option. No one and nothing is truly perfect. Trying to reach for perfection only leads to heartache, keeps us trapped in fear and shame, and kills curiousity.

Recently I’ve come to notice the signs – procrastination, irritation, and frustration that try to stop me from doing something outside my comfort zone. Sometimes I notice it immediately and get curious about what’s bubbling underneath, and other times, like today – I need to clean first, then slow down, and finally address what’s really going on.

What if perfection isn’t an option? What if instead, extending compassion and curiousity is the antidote to the fear and shame of making a mistake and looking “less than”?

I get it! I’m a recovering perfectionist and getting messy and being okay with the process is totally possible.

I invite you today, to do one messy thing – no expectations, not for anyone else, with a heart and mind of curiosity and fun.

I’m going to the Dollarstore and buying a container of bubbles :)