Why Do We Need to Have a Breakdown Before We Have a Breakthrough?

Have you ever noticed that after you have a breakdown, a breakthrough follows?

I was sitting with a group of coaches recently and the energy felt highly charged and electric. I was happy to be there and hear everyone’s stories and learn about where they are in their businesses. But the level of competition started to put me on the defensive.

Within minutes I started comparing myself to all the “winners” in the group and before I knew it I was believing that I didn’t belong, I was missing something they had, and I wasn’t doing enough. And I finally landed, with a splash – I’m not good enough.

Wow, that sequence of thoughts and beliefs happened so fast and before I knew it, I was no longer present to myself or the other participants.

I left feeling inadequate and insecure.

Fortunately I have my own coach to process what happened following this event. Together we were able to parse out what was really going on for me, and as I started telling about how I was feeling, the emotions started bubbling up and grief became super present.

Here comes the breakdown!

For most of my life I have felt underappreciated, devalued, and not good enough. Growing up I felt like I was never celebrated for my accomplishments; in fact, I was not perfect or someone else reminded me that they were better. And so I developed a belief story that said: “Why even try – they won’t care anyways, and frankly they’re only going to make it about themselves – not you.” I had to sit with this for a moment and let it percolate.

And now for the breakthrough.

The truth is, I don’t know what my parents, friends, or others really thought about me and my accomplishments or what I was doing in my life. I do know that in order to protect myself I needed to make up a story that made sense around why I felt so unseen and insignificant. Right or wrong, as a young child I came up with this defense mechanism.

Once I was able to look back, see the old stories I’d been believing and using to protect myself from getting hurt, I was able to amend that part of myself, let those old thoughts and stories go, and replace them with a truth I now know – I am allowed to be proud of who I am and what I do, and it’s fruitless to compare myself to others. My journey is unique and so is theirs. I don’t need anyone’s approval or permission to shine and be me. And I love being a life coach.

The beauty of the breakdown, as messy and uncomfortable as it can feel, is that a new insight, realization, and breakthrough follows. A whole new world of possibilities and opportunities opens up. And that feels incredible.